Killing Me A Million Times

It began like a cluster of spark plugs in my stomach,

Tensed face and limbs, mind replays the last attack,

Breathing more rapid, shallower with each second,

Heart speeding moments before my hurricane,

Curled tight in bed, even blankets made me cold,

Trembling limbs, and salty tears darkening my sleeves.

Thoughts accelerating in my head, never slowing down,

Breaths coming in gasps, I might even black out,

My heart hammered inside my chest like a rabbit,

The room spins, body and mind denying to cope with me,

Fears tumble out, unchecked by my brain,

Some mental free fall this is, nothing easing my pain.

And the panic spreads out, as thin as cellophane,

Something my fingers can pierce holes in,

One second passing, the panic is a deluge of ice water,

Circling my limbs, my heart, it gets harder,

Ghostly hypodermic of adrenaline punching holes in me,

I am exhausted of trying to be stronger than I feel.